I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
