I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
