she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
