You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
