I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
