I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
