Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
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It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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