I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
