Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
