Your tits are I can't wait for
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
