While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
