She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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