i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
