dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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