ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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