People in love make me want to vomit
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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