After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
