12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
