We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
