What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
