So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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