I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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