I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
