:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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