just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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