we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
