I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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