maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Can I color on your dick again?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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