i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
