nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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