My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
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My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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