Can Purell be used as lube?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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