New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
