Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
