I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
