Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
