if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
