Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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