Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
