so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
