My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
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