she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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