porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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