Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
