my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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