saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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