i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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