Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
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Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
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your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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