Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
