Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
