Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
