tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
