i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
