He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
