I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
