im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
