I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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