It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
