doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
