She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
