I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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