Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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