Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
