I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
