I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
