there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
