I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
