she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
