OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
