Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
