if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
