so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
