I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
