I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Every concussion has its silver lining
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
