I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I need to sanitize my soul.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
