Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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